Trauma
“Trauma is not what happens to you, it is what happens inside you as a result of what happens to you.”
—Gabor Maté, physician and bestselling author
What is trauma? Simply, it is the Latin word for “wound.” While many view trauma as occurring in a one-off event, such as a violent assault or the sudden loss of a loved one, trauma also happens far more subtly.
Picture a 12-year-old boy from an affluent family. All his physical needs are met; he has plenty of toys, excels in school and sports, and has many friends. But his hard-working parents never have time to assist him with his homework. Instead, a tutor is hired to support his studies. His brain not fully developed, the boy tries to make sense of his reality: “why do my parents not have time for me?”
He may internalize the message that he is not worthy of his parents’ attention and therefore he is unworthy of love. In adulthood, this may show up as low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, anger, shame, and repressed emotions.
Was there an overt, recognizable traumatic event? No. Were his parents doing the best they could? Almost certainly. The intent was loving, and the impact devastating.
Trauma may seem invisible – even to mental health professionals. It’s not uncommon to attend advanced training courses and hear therapists talk about the apparent absence of trauma in a client's history while struggling to comprehend their emotional difficulties. Labels for this type of trauma include “little t trauma,” developmental trauma, and attachment trauma. Clinically, a client may be given a diagnosis of Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD).
Psychotherapists such as Murray Bowen have long theorized about “multigenerational” trauma, 🔗 the process of trauma being transferred between parents and their offspring. This means that a parent’s unhealed trauma negatively impacts their children. New research validates this perspective, 🔗 showing that trauma is indeed passed down through DNA. As Mark Wolynn wrote, it didn’t start with you. 🔗
Undoubtedly, trauma leaves its mark – on our hearts, our minds, and our connections.
In the above example it speaks untruths such as, “I am not good enough.” But healing is possible. In fact, the mind and body are healing machines. Just as a broken bone will fully heal if you tend to it, so the mind is yearning to repair itself when given the right conditions, which include therapy. It may become stronger than ever, and capable of experiencing more ease and joy than you thought possible!
