Specialties
“The attempt to escape from pain is what creates more pain.”
—Gabor Maté, physician and bestselling author
PTSD and CPTSD
Symptoms vary greatly. They can include fatigue, restlessness, irritability, trouble sleeping, and flashbacks. Underneath this is often the belief that you are somehow deficient, or “not enough”. You may have had to disconnect from your emotions just to get by: a process of gently reconnecting with your body is necessary to heal and thrive. This may sound scary – we will go at your pace.
Anxiety
“If I have one foot in the past and one in the future, I am peeing on the present.” Please forgive the crassness: anxiety robs you of presence. It’s an epidemic: notice how many concertgoers have their phones up in the air, recording a moment, rather than experiencing it. The antidote to anxiety is almost always going into the body and feeling sensations. This connects you to your experience now. This could simply mean rubbing your legs, tapping your head repeatedly, or going for a walk and noticing what you see, hear, smell, touch, and taste. Longterm, anxiety is alleviated through a very intentional trauma-healing process. 🔗
Codependence
In a codependent, or “enmeshed,” relationship, at least one of the pair (usually both) is overly reliant on the relationship for their emotional fulfillment. And there is a lack of boundaries. It can show up much more subtly too. Have you ever found yourself in the window or middle seat on an airplane, needing to use the restroom, and hesitating to get up for fear of disturbing the passenger(s) next to you? This is a straightforward example of codependence: irrational thoughts and behaviors that compromise your needs for the sake of others.
Perfectionism
Beneath perfectionism is the fear of making mistakes. It is often a consequence of having caregivers who did not model accountability and ownership, or who were overly strict. To err is to be human. The first step may be to discern whether perfectionism is serving you. Perfectionism can be tiring. It’s very healthy to want to do your best, but if it’s to the detriment of one’s health or relationships, maybe it is time to put it down.
Depression
The traditional view of depression looks like lethargy, fatigue, and numbness. But beneath the surface, there is a ton of thwarted energy waiting to be released: it is like having the gas and brake pedals pressed down at the same time. The sadness that manifests as depression has often been present for a very long time; it is certainly justified, and it can be healed.
Grief
Grief is largely about loss. It can also be about unmet expectations. Grieving is a process rather than an event, which the Western world does not seem to understand: we are given two weeks’ compassionate leave and expected to return firing on all cylinders. Unfortunately, that’s not how our bodies work.
It’s normal to experience all five stages of grief – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance – interchangeably, rather than in a linear fashion. Depending how deep you wish to go, you may discover an additional phase: meaning making. It’s not uncommon for those doing inner work to experience grief about something or someone that was lost many years ago.
Eating Disorders
I conceptualize eating disorders in a similar fashion to addiction, in that they are rooted in attachment trauma. Just as addiction is not about the drugs, drink, or sex, etc., eating disorders are not about food – they are about emotions. Often, they are about control: either ultra-control (anorexia) or no-control (bulimia/bingeing). Like addiction, an eating disorder can be a way to avoid feeling emotions. I treat clients with ongoing eating disorders and for severe cases I suggest inpatient treatment.
Relationship Challenges
I find it useful to examine the role that anxiety plays in relationships. Do you wish to spend more time with your partner, and they want to spend more time apart? Or vice versa? How does this play on your anxiety? How do you communicate this with one other? What is the emotional climate in your relationship? Is there over-sharing, or under-sharing? Secrets? I enjoy helping couples explore these and many more relationship dynamics, with the goal of deepening your connection.
Family Conflict
I have experience in facilitating attempts at reconciliation within families. This is usually a slow, deliberate process that necessitates all parties feeling heard by one another and working towards a shared goal: that it is more important to be connected than to be right. This can lead to powerful healing.